Oh sweet one, sometimes I wonder if you’ll ever understand what you’re missing.
What are you afraid of, my love? Why are you so scared to voice your doubts?
My heart broke to see you hiding there in your small corner of the world. You were dealt pain like none you’d ever endured, but I still expected more of you. Oh, where did my brave warrior go?
As the Lord beckoned you into the deep waters–challenging you to swim and to grow–I thought you would run as fast as you could into the waves. But instead you curled up and locked yourself away in fright. I watched your bravery lose out to what was comfortable and safe.
I heard you whisper half-hearted prayers and crawl to bible studies. I listened to you recite the things you knew and avoid the things you didn’t. Darling you were too afraid to be vulnerable; too timid to offer your heart up with all it’s wounds.
Dear one, you must have been terrified as your comfort was stripped away, but if you had only taken your hands from your eyes!
You settled for paper thin faith and intellect when what your soul craved was truth.
Oh my heart, did you really expect healing to come without the Healer?
Did you expect the power of the Great I Am to stay tucked safely within your schedule?
Helpless, I watched you grieve. With every breath I had I told you that you were strong, that you were valiant, but still you hid your soul away. Sometimes you wrapped that precious soul in arrogance and knowledge, sometimes you dressed it up in humor, and sometimes you were too weak to even speak.
All I ever wanted was to see you loosen your grip on what was comfortable and what was safe.
My sweet one, there is so much more to life than what is safe and what is known. Please, please, I’m calling and I’m begging. Dive into the waves or grab a tiny life raft if you must. Just be brave enough to give up knowing for a moment. Be brave enough to swim where your feet can’t touch the sand.
The Lord does not fail us when we offer up our certainties in exchange for His heart. 100 out of 100 times He shows up, right as we’ve collapsed and can’t bear it any longer. Right as we have finally humbled ourselves enough to whisper, “Daddy, I don’t understand,” He is there.
You’re afraid of your unsteadiness. You’re afraid of the unknown. But my love, He is not.
Please, oh God, please give our hearts depth. Give us the good, the bad, and the ugly. Give us tears, give us pain, give us real joy and real redemption. Set us free from our paper thin faith and let us breathe deeply for once.
I want to be knocked off my feet. To cry from the depths of my soul alongside those who truly know me. To laugh until my sides ache and not be surprised that I did.
And that’s all I want for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I’ve been praying that soon you’ll just take one step outside. One breath of fresh air.
My dear, I pray you’ll open up your eyes and be the brave soul I used to know.