Sweet one, just like you, I’m not afraid of the future. I’m afraid of a future that repeats the past. Afraid of those moments that turned my heart into shards of glass and left a little me wondering, “what did I do wrong?”
But every so often, when the fear is intense, the sun hits my window and I can see again. If only for a second, the light finds its way through to those broken bits and pieces. I’m in awe, because when each piece broke I wept–sometimes for minutes, sometimes for years–but here in the sunlight, they’re beautiful.
Friend, don’t you know me? You know how fiercely I love.
Someone once called me gentle and you laughed. Sweet friend, you know my soul so well. For all my flaws–harsh words and stubborn opinions–you have always encouraged how deeply I love.
Don’t you know how that love has hurt me?
Every goodbye, every changed mind, every comment that wasn’t meant to reach my ears, or those nights when I cried and dreamt of someone whose heart would love as fiercely as mine.
But my dear, I must ask, does the pain make my love foolish? If you were talking to me, you’d say no. But when you’re thinking of yourself, the answer is always yes.
As each piece was broken, the pain seemed unbearable, until the light came shining through. For those moments I’d bear it all again.
Walking through freshly fallen snow and feeling joy as simply as a child.
When one heart is brave enough to break open to others, and God works before your very eyes.
When your name is spoken by that one voice, and you understand what it means to have your heart walk around outside of your chest.
It is for those moments that I hold on to the fragility I’ve been blessed with–that you have been blessed with. Despite all the pain it has brought me, I hold on still. Without it, I wouldn’t see the way the light dances off the broken pieces I’m holding. The shards in my hand would be worthless. But when the light comes in, I wonder if they might make a pretty chandelier.
My dear friend, you’re wrong. Joy is something you choose. You choose to open the blinds and search for a break in the clouds. You choose to cherish the beauty in the midst of pain. Sweet friend, don’t be afraid of your past. Don’t be afraid to feel pain again. Even when it comes, there will still be light.
Once upon a time, when I couldn’t even imagine happiness, you gave me a box of pretty things. You showed me how to see beauty when I felt none.
Darling please don’t forget such a precious lesson. Be an artist. Allow the light to make all those broken pieces into another box of pretty things.